We all do it... You listen to all the webinars. You read all the books. You memorize all the scripts. Then you take all of that information that has been absorbed into your skull, and start regurgitating it to clients. Then it happens. While in the midst of your pitch, you hear a voice. 

But wait! Whose voice is that talking in your head?!

For me, it hit while I was talking to a potential client. The voice that was guiding me through the meeting wasn’t my own, but the voice of the author of the book/article/webinar-du-jour that was droning on in my brain. Telling me what to do. I wasn’t even believing in my own words (gasp). Once I realized this, I felt all sorts of icky.

“How could I not truly buy into this pitch/product that I’m selling!?” “Omg I’m such a fraud!” Phrases like that were entering my mind. 

At that time I just wanted to score some business! I had no standards for who I would allow as a client or collaborator. Heck, I didn’t even have standards of myself! I’d take on anything and everything just to make a buck. I had zero confidence in myself, and allowed others to dictate the direction of my business. And I hated every single minute of it... 

Right around this time my personal life started going sideways too. I was a brand new mom who just moved to a brand new city with my husband who travels for work a lot. Shortly after the move both parents got sick and passed away inside of one year of each-other. I tried to care for them as best I could while taking care of a baby, and a business too. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was drowning. Anxiety was taking its toll.

How can I be a good wife, mother, and business owner if I don’t even love myself?! 

I took up lots of different mindfulness practices in an effort to find some answers. Most importantly, I started to see an amazing therapist to help heal all the old wounds of a difficult childhood. I found that I wasn’t only mourning my parents deaths, but the “what could have been” of my childhood as too. 

If I didn’t love me how could anyone else? So I needed to get there! 

I started looking around at my environment. My studio, my home, my wardrobe, my relationships, my social media profiles, the genre of photography that I was in at the time (family sessions), ALL OF IT. There was this realization that I was living the truths of others. Gross! I was putting expectations on myself, and my business, based on the the worry of what others would think about who Natalie Allgyer really is on the inside. How awful!? 

As time went on (and my life imploded) I knew I had to stop caring about all of those perceived external expectations.

My amazing therapist helped me to learn to take the time to care for myself and my hurt inner child. The hurt little girl inside of me desperately needed to be re-parented by a loving and caring person. So the adult version of me is now starting as her parent. And what do children want the most from parents? Time. 

I carved out time to spend with the hurt little girl who lives inside of me aka - self care. I walked on the beach. I went to the plantations in spring to see all the flowers in bloom. I took pictures of the beauty around me. I took out my old fairy books from when I was a little girl and read them to myself. I forced myself to play with my daughter more, but in her magical world. Not my boring adult one! Lots of other things too. It all felt so good! 

As my personal triggers of not feeling good enough would come up I would remind that little girl that we are safe, and that I am in charge and protecting her. Through this process, I started noticing how wonderful and magical this world we live in can be when looked at thru the eyes of a child. In an effort to protect the hurt inner child I learned how to say “no” to so many things too. 

Naturally my confidence grew with all of this support and love that I was gifting to myself. Over time I shed the people, places and things that no longer served me.

Little by little, “Natalie Allgyer” started to emerge. It’s a wonderful feeling, to truly believe in yourself!

I let my true sense of spirituality guide me in a way that I know is right for me. I let my freak flag fly high and proud. 

This process has made me the happiest that I’ve even been in my life, and business started to boom! Yay for abundance!

Fast forward a few years. I have a rising business as a fine art photo artist and I love it very much. I teach photography classes locally. I find solace and peace in my work and my business. I say no to the jobs that I don’t want and the people that I don’t want to do them with. 

And guess what? My art is selling! My business, my rules! The good stuff is allowed to flow in—because there is space for it. I schedule little blocks of time, every single day, for self care. Just 15 minute walk and a hot cup of tea is a great investment in my productivity. I’m much more accepting of the not-so-busy times, too. I even look forward to them!

Sure, I still get a little nervous walking into meetings, but nowhere near how it once was. There is this confidence in myself and my abilities now. While I do have a great sense of gratitude for all of those self help/business books, the information has become my own. It’s my voice that I hear echoing back when giving “the pitch.” 

This is my take-away: Go ahead and give yourself permission to do exactly what you love. Exactly the way that you want to do it. Good things happen when you put you first. Then sit back and allow your high vibin’ self to attract all of your wildest dreams.

About Natalie Allgyer

Natalie Allgyer is a photo artist, with a fiercely creative soul who uses a camera and photoshop to display a wide array of feeling and emotion. Born in NJ, she and her husband chose Charleston SC as the place for them to raise their daughter. It was in Charleston that Natalie found her soul, and the creativity began to flow through the lens of her camera. Natalie’s whimsical style incorporates pieces of her own images that she makes with her dslr camera. It can take an upward of 20 images to create one of her works. Her carefully curated color choices in combination with painstakingly thoughtful lighting, contrast, and texture lends itself to her empathic vibe and painterly feel.Natalie’s mission is to show you the world through her eyes while also conveying feelings and vibes that just about each and every one of us could relate to in some way.

Connect with Natalie:

Website

Instagram @natalieallgyer

Facebook @natalieallgyerfineart

all art, portrait, and desk photo - courtesy of Natalie Allgyer